In case you’re interested in some of the more difficult details of the process... here’s one night of frustration that I happened to think to record as we were going through it. (I debated on posting this now, after the outcome we realized,…as it feels so awful to admit I acted this way with him, even if you give me the excuse that it may have been a defense mechanism(?) But I guess I’m thinking that maybe it will help another caregiver out there to prepare for the harsh realities that I pray you never have to endure.)
2:30am- "Blah, Blah, Blah..."
He's still refusing to drink water, but he insists on trying to talk. So I tell him all I can understand is “blah blah blah” unless he wants some water...he refuses, so, every time he talks I just interrupt him with his same gravelly voice saying “blah blah blah”, it quiets him for a few minutes, he may take a couple drinks, but it's not near enough, if I offer more, he just spits it out. So I keep telling him he might as well stop talking because all I can understand is “blah blah blah”. Unfortunately, even that tactic stops working and he just keeps mumbling...... oh well.... just a funny conversation to report. "have to laugh, right?" I've also learned that ignoring him also eventually gets him to quiet down.... hate to have that attitude, but he won't remember my actions of apparent cruelty anyway. Call it survival mode for the caregiver. ;-)
3:45am- "Please Sir..."
I awake to "PLEASE, GIVE ME SOMETHING TO EAT!" and I say, "You don't have to yell, that's what I've been waiting to hear." So, I go around and try to give him water for starters, "No!" Ensure, "No!" I say, "Dad, what do you want?" "Please sir, give me something to eat, this isn't a game, just let me go home and eat my breakfast or dinner." I offer a couple more times, "What do you want?" "Please sir....blah blah blah". As I sit here typing this in the dark, referring to his diaper which I've also checked, he's saying, "Sir, cut this thing offa me.......please sir.......please do some damn thing....." and the mumblings continue....4:05- back to sleep for me....praying this feeding tube today really works....aha! He's snoring! oops, now he's mumbling again.
4:30am- FEEDING!
first meal in about 36 hours! And by meal, I mean I got him to eat a few bites of cereal (sweet grits?), a few sips of Ensure and water and a bite of banana! and by a bite, I mean a quarter of a slice, about a 1/2 inch thick, but it's food in the belly! Yay! I have a little mercy on what I'm sure are aching shoulders and loosen his restraints a little, but I know how tricky he can be, so not too much. I keep looking over there and his hand is straight up at the elbow (the limit) He's trying to stretch the ties...we'll see...
9:00am- sweet moment…
Drs come in to take him down to pull 200ml...about 1/4 quart fluid off his lungs (better than the 700ml (3/4 quart) they pulled off in Arlington!) Just before the doctors came in, I just remembered, I was standing next to him and he appeared to have something in his hands... I think he was threading a fishing hook onto a line. He got a little frustrated with his shaky hands and gave me the hook. ;-)
After he returned, he "ate" a little... actually asked for some orange juice and drank a couple sips! asked me about how I was "General, Sir?" ...in and out of napping, telling me stories about early military days and days right out of high school... fishing -caught a 10 inch bass! Talk about college, and his brother working in a nearby town... snore....mumble...snore... ;-) I'm just happy we're in real history land instead of his scary captivity, wanting to get outta here place. He mumbles, I give him an affectionate look of attention, he gives a sweet shrug, like, "whatta ya gonna do?"... gotta get a job, if you get a job, you gotta have a wife...makes the whoop-de-do sign with his hand. haha! "Anyway, 20 years old.....had to build a house....oh well...." mumble...snore....mumble.... talking about "now the Koreans get into it, and we have to go fight them". Don’t know whose history he’s recounting, but he’s enjoying the conversation, he was actually in the military by the time he was 20. And I think this may be the conversation in which he called me by his sister’s name, Viloris. (She died a few years ago)
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